Days 52 – 58 #100happydays

Seriously, it has been crazy. Sad, happy, traumatic, beautiful and it’s my life. The week that was…(nearly 3 weeks ago).

Reggie n Connie xxx
Reggie n Connie xxx

I love my kids.  At this point in time, I really, really, really love them – they have provided me with the kind of love that knows no bounds, the kind of love that you can lose yourself in – the kind of love that I need to get me through.  They keep me strong, when all I want to do is fall apart and sob and rail at the injustice of the world.

Getting my knit on.  The start of Edie's rainbow scarf.
Getting my knit on. The start of Edie’s rainbow scarf.

I needed a therapy project.  The rhythm of knitting, knit 2, purl 2, knit 2, purl 2 and on and on and on, is just what my fragile mind requires.  Watching the piece grow and change colour has been a sweet salve to my wounded soul.

Baby's loving bath time, happy, happy moments xxx
Baby’s loving bath time, happy, happy moments xxx

A beautiful moment, stained with guilt and heart-wrenching sadness; that I can enjoy while my dear, dear friend will never again get to enjoy with her children.

To market, to market, to buy a fat pig.  Produce all sold at today's #kimbashow Trading Table.
To market, to market, to buy a fat pig. Produce all sold at today’s #kimbashow Trading Table.

Day 55.  And life must go on, all sadness aside.  A couple of days baking and bottling, packed and labelled, ready to be donated for sale at The Kimba Show Trading Table.  I do so adore doing this, the cooking, the tasting, shooing the kids out of the kitchen, staying up way too late making pretty labels and the feeling of being able to contribute in a meaningful way.

No matter how dark my heart, a rainbow is such an uplifting and beautiful sight to behold.  Thank you Mother Nature xx
No matter how dark my heart, a rainbow is such an uplifting and beautiful sight to behold. Thank you Mother Nature xx

I am making the long drive to Adelaide (920km round-trip), to sit with, talk to, love, my dear friend that is damaged beyond hope.  Praying for a miracle xxx.

I was met with a particularly surly barista today and so I smiled and called her by name (Doris, can understand the surliness ;-), and changed the girls' demeanour entirely.  A kind word and smile.  Didn't cost me a thing, but it sure did make her day a whole lot better.
I was met with a particularly surly barista today and so I smiled and called her by name (Doris, can understand the surliness ;-), and changed the girls’ demeanour entirely. A kind word and smile. Didn’t cost me a thing, but it sure did make her day a whole lot better.

I needed a decent coffee, cliched I know, but hospital coffee sucks.  So into the city I ventured for a brief respite from a Bud that won’t ever talk back to me again.

I asked a few friends that I had been giving updates to on Bud’s condition, if they would like to write letters to her, that I could read for them.  I did that today.  It was the hardest thing I think I have ever done.  One friend, Juans, recorded hers as a MP4 file, it made me laugh out loud at one point, and then at the end she read the poem Invictus.  It left me completely undone.  I don’t think I can conjure the words for the depth of emotion I felt at that time.

Being able to see the edge of a rain shower, well, it just makes me happy is all xxx
Being able to see the edge of a rain shower, well, it just makes me happy is all xxx

On the long drive home from Adelaide, without the hope I felt on the drive down.  The situation is just too fucked-up for words.

Carmen.

Days 45 – 51 #100happydays

My sincere apologies. It has been one of the most shocking, traumatic and emotional weeks of my life. I won’t go into details as it is all too raw; I am fine, as is my family. A dear, dear friend is fighting for her life, and short of a miracle, it is a fight she may not win. My heart is bleeding for her and her family and the sense of helplessness and the futility of the situation is more than I can put into words.
To this end, this batch of #100happydays images is sometimes not so happy, but always heartfelt.

Happy, happy days xx #flare
Happy, happy days xx #flare
It has been a really tough day to find happy.  My heart is bleeding and the ache won't quit.  I am hopeful tho, and Bud will come back to us as she was before.  Oh, and Reggie started crawling today.
It has been a really tough day to find happy. My heart is bleeding and the ache won’t quit. I am hopeful tho, and Bud will come back to us as she was before. Oh, and Reggie started crawling today.

I am sorry this image was such a cop out.  Truth be told I couldn’t make myself post a solid black image – that is how bad this day was.  My life and the lives of so many others, changed irrevocably on this day.

My heart today.
My heart today.

Utter desolation.  Total devastation.  This day sucked.

Watching the concentration on Connie's face, building this tower, made me smile.  It was nice to smile again.
Watching the concentration on Connie’s face, building this tower, made me smile. It was nice to smile again.

And if you have little kids, life goes on regardless of your own personal traumas.  I am so very blessed to have Edie, Connie and Reg, pretty sure I would have been rocking mindlessly in a state of catatonia without them.  Go and tell your kids, your partner, your besties, that you love them and hug them – long and hard.  Do it now.

Very appreciative of life right now xxx.
Day 49 Very appreciative of life right now xxx.

Living in the moment and drinking in each and every thing I can with a quiet mindfulness.  Each action I undertake, no matter how little or mundane has taken on such enormous significance, that sometimes I struggle to maintain my composure.  I so desperately want this ‘everyday normal’ for my dear, dear friend.  I wish, I hope and yes, I pray, for Bud.  And Shaun and Brock and Jada.

Good company, good wine, good fire.  Happy days xx
Good company, good wine, good fire. Happy days xx

Each moment, regardless of how blisteringly happy it may be, is now tinged with sadness.  I managed a hour or two today, without being overwhelmed by the enormity of the tragedy unfolding in all our lives.  And those couple of hours, filled with nothing overtly special, were indeed some of the most special moments of my life.  And the kind of moments I wish with all my heart, that Bud may once again enjoy.

It's all about treasuring the everyday moments.  Spent the arvo over Wild Dog Hill at the Kelly Picnic Grounds.  Beautiful place, beautiful day, beautiful people.  Blessed. xx
It’s all about treasuring the everyday moments. Spent the arvo over Wild Dog Hill at the Kelly Picnic Grounds. Beautiful place, beautiful day, beautiful people. Blessed. xx

Goodnight, rest easy, tomorrow is another day.  Be kind, be grateful, be generous.

Carmen

 

Days 38 – 44 #100happydays

Phew, where did that week go. Here are my images for the week that was. Enjoy xx

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring.
It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring.
Any day with this little guy is a happy day indeed.
Any day with this little guy is a happy day indeed.
My Top 10 #kitchenutensils using these is a sure-fire way to take me to my happy place.
My Top 10 #kitchenutensils using these is a sure-fire way to take me to my happy place.

 

#blueskies #lobelia #barbedwireballs it's the little things. xx
#blueskies #lobelia #barbedwireballs it’s the little things. xx
#rainydays and #rainbows of course I am happy xx
#rainydays and #rainbows of course I am happy xx
The official #yarnbombing committee!  There's no going back now.  Love #localfooty
The official #yarnbombing committee! There’s no going back now. Love #localfooty
Awesome read.  #maggiegroff is my new favourite author.  Thanks @thatsummerfeeling1
Awesome read. #maggiegroff is my new favourite author. Thanks @thatsummerfeeling1

And that folks, is the week that was – and yes, I know I am still over a week behind.  I’m working on it…

Cheers

Carmen