The Universe Has Infinite Abundance…

Sometimes, just as you need it most, the Universe delivers something so spectacularly beautiful, that it feels like the breath of life has just been breathed back into you.
Today, I received such a gift. A letter (of the old fashioned variety, complete with stamps and all) from a super nova of a friend.
She wrote me a list of what she perceives as my most wonderous traits and talents (completely overwhelming and so, so beautiful).

I needed that. I really, really did. How on earth did she know I’ve been hiding/trapped under my own big black cloud, unable to find the sunshine I so desperately crave.  This chick gets me so completely and all the gorgeous words she had for me, I feel the same for her.

It has been about 2 months since the cloud descended upon me and there have been days that I have really struggled to cope. I have of course, coped, there are the 3 glorious kids romping and stomping about, demanding to be fed, clothed, entertained, a business to run and about a gazillion other things that need to be done, but let me tell you, it has been rough.

I won’t bang on about it, poor, poor pitiful me and all that, just to say it’s been and now, I think it is lifting.  Oh sweet relief.

How do you thank someone, so completely, so wholeheartedly, for simply being themselves and being my friend?

Thank you Poss.  I love you.

And weirdly enough, I spoke about my horrid few months, only this morning with some other of my dearest friends. They were quite suprised and shocked – why hadn’t I said anything, told them about it?

And why indeed!  These are my nearest and dearest, I trust them implicitly.  They do not judge, placate or offer unsolicited advice.  They listen, they support, they love.  I have excuses galore, it’s just easier to stay home, I’m too busy to get out and see people, blah, blah, blah.  I have become quite the hermit and it is not good for me!

And so, I realise I am blessed, but selfish to hold everything inside, especially the bad and the ugly.  True and wonderful friends are there through everything, if you let them.

So another heart-felt thank you to Mik and Mod.  I love you both.

Do you know, I think I’ve realised something as I have written this; Friendships need to feel the whole gamut of emotions to be really truly special.  If I don’t share the shitty bits with my friends, things become a bit shallow and it is lovely to feel needed once in a while.

I am Queen of Putting-Up-a-Great-Front, even with those I love most of all, and whilst it is a handy trick most of the time, there are times when it hurts.  That very quiet, wee little voice inside of me, the one that I don’t even hear most of the time, needs to give me a good swift boot up the backside now and then to remind me that I am not a super-hero and am in fact only human (well, I do a mean imitation of SuperHero-ness at times ;-0).

So in a nutshell, I’m back, look out, on my way to bigger and brighter things.  There is a totally Handmade Christmas in the making and a new addiction to crocheting with t-shirt yarn, sewing some fabulous crawler daks for Reggie, though he is at last walking, and I cannot wait to be my old-self again and share it all with you.

Til next time darlings, thank you for reading and I invite you to share your thoughts with me.

Carmen xoxLetter from Poss

5 thoughts on “The Universe Has Infinite Abundance…

  1. SHADOWBOX says:

    You’re spot on Carmen… only knowing only the superhero version of someone as strong, positive and productive can make them seem untouchable, even a little intimidating. People don’t see signs of distress when they only know how to look at their friend with awe and admiration. Letting people see our fractures, flaws, fears and failures gives other people an instant connection – because we’ve all got them.

    Here’s what I think about that letter. I truly believe that good things happen to good people. The unfortunate fact is that really shitty things happen to good people too. Things they don’t deserve at all.

    I’ll never understand why stuff happens the way it does, I can only put my faith in the hope that it is somehow leading us to the place and time where we’re ultimately meant to be. If we get off of our destined path, something beyond our control happens that puts us back onto the track fate has chosen for us. Sometimes it’s something miraculous, sometimes it’s something horrible. And sometimes we don’t even know it’s happening.

    I know this all sounds a bit wanky, but how else can I make sense of the things that have happened to me, to you, to the people we love? Even still, it doesn’t necessarily make every day life any easier to bear whilst trapped under a big heavy rock like cloud thing.

    So this is what I do: When I feel lost, I try to make space in my life for good things to happen. And when I feel capable, I try to work with the things that are within my control (however insignificant they might be) to make good things happen for other people.

    It helps me to remain focused on the things that matter most to me in the world, and it reminds me to show the people I love that I cherish them. And this, my dear friend, is how the letter came to be in your mailbox.

    • millbraemakes says:

      Oh Lordy, you have done it again, reduced me to tears with your bless’d words. You are able to articulate, so beautifully and eloquently and with such clarity a very complex and personal belief system.
      Again, I thank you. xxx

  2. michellebawdenn says:

    Bless you woman. The ‘black dog’ has been my pal once and it wasn’t pretty…you are right tho, your friends need to see you in all phases, as they are the ones that will understand..and love you all the more for it. X

  3. Em says:

    This black cloud visits so many of us and thank you for writing about yours to help lift all of ours. Love you to pieces beautiful! Need more Carmen in my life and less bs. Whoever that friend was, she is a gem and has helped us all. xoxoxo Em

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