Category Archives: Children

Sooo, it’s been a while…

The 2nd of April! Sheesh, really, that is the last time I wrote and posted?

Family holiday, the girls wading at Glenelg, it was a gorgeous night.
Family holiday, the girls wading at Glenelg, it was a gorgeous night.

I could take all the time in the world to beat myself up over it, or I could just shrug it off and say oh well.
I choose ‘oh well’.
I don’t have a well thought out plan for this post – or any post for that matter, just feel the need to write and reconnect.
So here goes…in no certain order – a bit erratic is me ūüėČ

I have a new baby to lavish with love and good intentions – now don’t get all excited for me, it’s not my baby. My darling friend Poss has just had her first miracle, Tex. Right on the heels of her taking the title of Australian Rural Woman of the Year – is this chick totally awesome or what!!!

My tribe is all growing and learning and becoming somewhat adept at pushing my buttons – little maniacs’ provide me with no end of amusement and torture and a heart filled to bursting with love.

Is there anything as close to perfect as this.  It melts my heart everytime my eyes light upon Edie's gift to me.
Is there anything as close to perfect as this. It melts my heart everytime my eyes light upon Edie’s gift to me.

I am gob-smacked that my number one girl (as in first-born, not favourite kid, that’s Connie – joking…), Edie will be starting school next year – yikes, where has the time gone? I am so going to miss her like crazy and at the same time cannot wait to have more time with Connie and Reg.

Yoga. I love yoga. I have been practicing yoga on my own for about 13 years now – sometimes daily, sometimes not for months, but I always love yoga. And now we have a totes awesome and amazing Yoga teacher coming to Kimba once a week. To say I am in love all over again is such an understatement. Lucy is the embodiment of all things Yoga, her knowledge, her style, her ridiculously flexible body – think I may have a little lady-crush on her. Without going all touchy-feely on you, my head is in a much better place, I don’t yell at the kids quite as much, I am getting more shitty jobs (read – office work – blergh) done, my inner control freak is back in its box and I feel much more go-with-the-flow. It is fucking brilliant – seriously, I need to swear here, the emphasis is important.

And to top off that little pot of goodness, I was fortunate enough to reconnect with a super-wise and wonderful mentor and friend a couple of weeks ago, Karynne.  And you know what, turns out she is normal too.  Not the super human I had kinda painted her to be, it makes me love her all the more.

It just feels right, right now Рlife that is.  I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life and I just needed to tell them that.

Crappy photo, but lordy I love these kids xxx
Crappy photo, but lordy I love these kids xxx

Thanks for the read,

Carmen xxx

Images from My Day…

Today I took a load of random images…

fabricstrips

 

My current project, nearing completion.

 

Pins2

Pins3

 

I love the colours of glass-head pins.

Reggie

Reggie, loving the watermelon.

Workers

Offering sage advice to Dad re the yard reno’s.

connkaz

Connie and Kaz, spending some quality time together. ¬†Cat’s are an enigma, right? ¬†Connie spends most of her time lining the cat up to give her a good stomp or carts her about in a strangle-hold; then why does Kaz choose to sleep with Connie? ¬†Beats the hell out of me, but it sure is cute.

And that my friends, was just some of my day.

Sleep well, dream sweet and may tomorrow be as wonderous as today.

Carmen xx

 

 

The Universe Is Of Infinite Abundance… (part 2)

It turns out that I am not going crazy, and that in itself is jolly good news.

I went to the Doctor, thinking I was going on a journey of recovering from some form of mental illness, when lo and behold, it turns out I was pregnant!Preg Test

A couple of times, I had wondered if perhaps, I was. But dismissed it straight away. We have only ever been able to have kids through IVF; weird, bi-cornate uterus and pathetic fallopian tubes are the culprit. ¬†The gazillion doctors we had seen on that particular roller coaster ride, all said the same thing…you will never conceive naturally. ¬†Never say never huh?

Seriously, I was dog tired ALL¬†THE TIME, an emotional time-bomb with the shortest possible fuse, a sense of smell that would make a Perfumier wildly jealous, and in the few days before my appointment – constantly nauseous. ¬†And I kept thinking, nah, I cannot be pregnant… major case of head in the sand, or too good to be true-itis.

Anyway, it was a crazy, emotional, nervous, excited few days until I started bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.  Number 4 was not meant to be.

I went for a scan, it was booked when I thought my little miracle was gonna happen and it would have been about 9 weeks, and the glimmer of hope I had harboured was squashed.  Zip, nada, nothing.

I had no idea how much I had wanted to see that little coffee bean shape with the madly flickering heartbeat on that screen.

I cried.

My head knew it was over before I went for the scan.  My heart had no idea.  I was crushed.

Another week has passed and I can honestly say I am OK with it.  I will always miss what might have been, but cannot wait for the morning sickness to subside Рthat is just cruel.  It is hard enough to cope with when you are growing a new life, but to suffer that, when that little life has been extinguished, well that is just mean.

I don’t do secrets and cannot imagine keeping all this to myself. ¬†My friends and family know all that has happened, and boy oh boy, I am so not alone. ¬†So many women have miscarriages and it stays with them – always. ¬†It doesn’t matter if they were trying for their first or fifth child – it matters and it counts in a big way.

I thank you all for your love and support and for sharing your stories with me.  It matters and it counts in a big way.

So to the Universe I say; This body of mine might be nearly 42, but you can teach an old dog new tricks.  And if this body of mine can do it once, you betcha it can do it again Рonly better.  Thank you for letting me know this.

Carmen xx

Days 45 – 51 #100happydays

My sincere apologies. It has been one of the most shocking, traumatic and emotional weeks of my life. I won’t go into details as it is all too raw; I am fine, as is my family. A dear, dear friend is fighting for her life, and short of a miracle, it is a fight she may not win. My heart is bleeding for her and her family and the sense of helplessness and the futility of the situation is more than I can put into words.
To this end, this batch of #100happydays images is sometimes not so happy, but always heartfelt.

Happy, happy days xx #flare
Happy, happy days xx #flare
It has been a really tough day to find happy.  My heart is bleeding and the ache won't quit.  I am hopeful tho, and Bud will come back to us as she was before.  Oh, and Reggie started crawling today.
It has been a really tough day to find happy. My heart is bleeding and the ache won’t quit. I am hopeful tho, and Bud will come back to us as she was before. Oh, and Reggie started crawling today.

I am sorry this image was such a cop out. ¬†Truth be told I couldn’t make myself post a solid black image – that is how bad this day was. ¬†My life and the lives of so many others, changed irrevocably on this day.

My heart today.
My heart today.

Utter desolation.  Total devastation.  This day sucked.

Watching the concentration on Connie's face, building this tower, made me smile.  It was nice to smile again.
Watching the concentration on Connie’s face, building this tower, made me smile. It was nice to smile again.

And if you have little kids, life goes on regardless of your own personal traumas.  I am so very blessed to have Edie, Connie and Reg, pretty sure I would have been rocking mindlessly in a state of catatonia without them.  Go and tell your kids, your partner, your besties, that you love them and hug them Рlong and hard.  Do it now.

Very appreciative of life right now xxx.
Day 49 Very appreciative of life right now xxx.

Living in the moment and drinking in each and every thing I can with a quiet mindfulness. ¬†Each action I undertake, no matter how little or mundane has taken on such enormous significance, that sometimes I struggle to maintain my composure. ¬†I so desperately want this ‘everyday normal’ for my dear, dear friend. ¬†I wish, I hope and yes, I pray, for Bud. ¬†And Shaun and Brock and Jada.

Good company, good wine, good fire.  Happy days xx
Good company, good wine, good fire. Happy days xx

Each moment, regardless of how blisteringly happy it may be, is now tinged with sadness.  I managed a hour or two today, without being overwhelmed by the enormity of the tragedy unfolding in all our lives.  And those couple of hours, filled with nothing overtly special, were indeed some of the most special moments of my life.  And the kind of moments I wish with all my heart, that Bud may once again enjoy.

It's all about treasuring the everyday moments.  Spent the arvo over Wild Dog Hill at the Kelly Picnic Grounds.  Beautiful place, beautiful day, beautiful people.  Blessed. xx
It’s all about treasuring the everyday moments. Spent the arvo over Wild Dog Hill at the Kelly Picnic Grounds. Beautiful place, beautiful day, beautiful people. Blessed. xx

Goodnight, rest easy, tomorrow is another day.  Be kind, be grateful, be generous.

Carmen

 

Day 24 #100happydays

Day24My nephew Max is a teenager! ¬†Lordy, where did that 13 years go? ¬†I still remember so vividly my sister Dee-anne, ringing me with the news. ¬†I was living in Kununurra, Western Australia and Mum and Dad were visiting, Dee-anne wanted to tell them herself, so I wasn’t allowed to share the news – I nearly popped a gasket.

My sister, she that was never having kids – was having a baby. ¬†Oh the hilarious conversations we had on the phone about what kind of mother she would make and the clangers she would pull. ¬†And I am happy to report, clangers were pulled, mistakes were made – and don’t we all, but above all, Max was loved unconditionally everyday. ¬†He is a wonderful kid and I am so lucky to be able to share so much of his life.

Happy Birthday Max.

Cheers

Carmen